“Lemon Mustang” by P.J. Kaiser
I closed my eyes as I took a long drag on my cigarette. Although we hadn’t had many customers that morning, the big boss had kept me busy with paperwork and I hadn’t been able to take a break until 10:30am. I stood just outside the showroom door with Al and Frank. Each of us had a cup of coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The April New Jersey air was cool but a welcome change after a harsh winter.
Al was telling us about some movie he had seen with his wife the night before when a pricey SUV pulled into the lot. A couple got out and started walking towards us. The woman was leading the way and she said, “I’d like to see that yellow Mustang convertible.”
Al and Frank started to say something, but I’m the more senior salesman, so I figured I had dibs. I said, “Hi, my name is Lou. I’ll help you. Give me a second to go get the keys.” At least I got one nice drag on my cigarette, I thought as I crushed it beneath my heel.
I picked up the keys from inside, set my coffee down on my desk and went back out. I got a bit winded from walking and I could hear it in my own voice as I said, “This car is a beauty. She just came in a few days ago and I’m sure she won’t be around long.”
The woman slipped into the drivers seat as I unlocked the doors and I could see that she was in love with the car. This would be an easy sale, especially if they planned on trading in their SUV.
The man said, “Well, my wife mentioned that she’s been admiring this car for awhile, are you sure you just got it in?”
I said, “Oh, well, I’m not certain – maybe I have it confused with another car. But this one is terrific. You looking for a second car?”
The woman’s eyes got a faraway look as she gripped the steering wheel.
The man said, “No, we want to trade in our SUV. It’s too expensive and my wife only drives a few miles each day to work at the hospital. We want something cheaper. But it’s a 2007 and it has 50,000 miles on it? That’s pretty high mileage. The outside is not in very good shape – has it been in an accident?”
“Not that I know of, sir. The previous owner took meticulous care of this car.”
The man shook his head, “And you’re asking $28,000 for it? No, that’s too much for this car.”
“That’s a fair price – have you been looking around at Mustangs?”
“We did some research on the internet. That price is too high given its poor condition.” The man walked around to the driver’s side of the car and said, “Jackie, look at the interior of this car! It’s horrible!”
“Well, we would of course clean up the car before letting you go with it.”
Jackie had started to pay attention to what we were saying and she said, “Can we start it and see how it runs?”
I said, “Of course! If you want to just slide out, I’ll get ‘er going.” After Jackie got out, I slid the seat back as far as it would go and I tilted the steering wheel upwards and climbed in. I put the key in and turned it and heard a click, then nothing. I tried again. Nothing. “I’m very sorry, the battery seems to be run down. If you give me a few minutes, we’ll give it a jump.”
“No, that won’t be necessary. I’ll offer you $18,000 for the car.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “$18,000? You must be joking, sir. This is a great car …”
“Come on, Jackie. This car is in awful shape and this guy clearly isn’t willing to negotiate with us. Let’s go.” The man took Jackie by the arm and began to direct her back to their SUV.
Jackie stopped and said, “Oh, can’t we just wait and let him get it started -”
“No. This car is too overpriced. We’ll keep looking.”
Jackie said to me, “Could I at least have your card and we’ll think about it?”
I slid a hand inside my jacket and pulled out a business card. “Yes, of course. You think about it and let me know. But don’t waste any time, this car won’t be around for long!”
As Jackie and her husband got back in their car, I went back towards the showroom shaking my head. It was fitting this car was bright yellow because it certainly was a lemon. It had been on the lot for a month and everybody who looked at it had much the same reaction as this couple. I decided that I would give it a couple more days and if it still hadn’t sold, I would talk to the big boss about lowering the price.
*****
I opened my eyes and all I could see was glaring light. There were noises and voices, but none of them registered at first. I had a vague memory of chest pain and a 9-1-1 call. As my eyes focused, I still felt a pain in my chest and I could now see tubes and cords and monitors. Oh God. I was going to die. And the worst of it was, who was going to miss me? An overweight used car salesman. No wife. No kids. Where had my life gone?
A woman dressed in white was leaning over me adjusting a sensor on my chest and I struggled to focus on her face. She had a very concerned look and she said, “Lou? Lou? Can you hear me?”
I squinted as I nodded my head. I’ve seen her somewhere before – but where … Aha! It was Jackie – the woman who came to the dealership the other day. I tried to sit up but the cords and tubes kept me in place and I gasped, “Don’t buy the Mustang!”
Excellent storytelling here!
Loved the line that the car was the perfect color because it was a lemon! Made me laugh out loud.
Great ending, too.
Marisa – Thanks so much for your comment – glad you enjoyed it & got a laugh!
I enjoy stories about cars. Curious as to why that salesman was such a fiend. I suppose we all got bills to pay. Good job.
Carrie – Thanks for your comment – I hope I didn’t make him seem toooo awful! We recently bought a used car and so I’m a bit down on car salesmen at the moment
I loved the interaction at the dealership, and the slow reveal about the condition of the car.
However, I must confess myself confused about the transition to the post-heart attack segment. Was he suddenly struck with conscience?
Tony – Thanks for your comment – Hmmm, maybe, but i was thinking of the heart attack more as a random event that gave him an opportunity to reevaluate. I’ll b interested to see what others think o this …
Great job of showing and not telling how this man lives his life! Hopefully he’ll live a different life now that he’s gotten a second chance and a good lesson. Redeemed by a lemon mustang. he he. Poetic.
Shannon – Thanks so much for stopping by – “showing and not telling” is like a mantra for me – i try to be consistent – glad to see that i’ve succeeded with this one
And glad you liked it!
Ah ha! Fantastic ending! And a good build, too. I like how you construct this character so I do kind of care, but not very much, until his last line. Beautiful.
Jen – Thanks so much for your comment and I’m glad you liked my story!
precisely why i hate buying cars, new or used. great tale pj.
Michael – Yes, I mentioned that we recently bought a used car – not a big fan of the process at the moment! And ours was even a “certified pre-owned”! ha! Thanks for your comment!
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Great story! Nice twist at the end how he confessed the car was a piece of crap. Always good to have a clear conscience when you might be dying. Gave me a chuckle. Great job.
Maria – So glad you liked it and got a chuckle! Thanks for stopping by!
Fun. Loved the line about the car’s color. Guess what goes around comes around. Great job. peace, Linda
My goodness that was a funny ending! Didn’t see that coming!
I think I would classify this story as a horror because of the used car buying process. You certainly had the salesman down good!
Very entertaining and well-written!
Well damn! That was sweet as a lemon tart.
Perfect! An entertaining and well written read.
Hahaha! He comes clean about the car when he thinks he’s dying. Fun story!
Fun with a car salesman! Nice hint at the beginning about the salesman’s condition and then bouncing back with it.
Good story. Looks like this heart attack may be just the thing this used car salesman needs to turn his life around. Silver linings and all that, right?
Loved the characteristics at the beginning….great imagery with the cigarettes and coffee….thought you were going in the direction of a Mickey Spillane mystery, but once you revealed the used car salesman – it totally fit! Nicely done, PJ.
Nice storytelling! I like how the ending tied in with the title.
Nice work PJ
I loved the ending — poor Lou.
I was wondering where this story could possibly go , and then bam! a great ending.
Good stuff
Great story. I didn’t think that salesman was nasty at all… in fact, I thought Jackie’s husband was a little on the brusque side. But then you find out her husband was right after all! Wouldn’t it have been interesting if Jackie had bought the car, loving it as she did, only to find out it was a complete lemon? And then there’s the lying salesman at her mercy in the hospital… hmmm… always best to tell the truth, methinks.
My uncle had a 1960-ish lemon yellow (Camaro? I think?) convertible and it was just the coolest car. I’ve loved that colour ever since and dipped into your story because of the title… Makes me want a slice of shimmering lemon meringue pie.
Ah, well, you wouldn’t want the person who is saving your life to think badly of you when they bought a car off you that was a lemon, now, would you!
The exchange at the dealership was very good.
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